A Better Conversation Starter

Last night I was at a birthday dinner for a friend of my boyfriend. I'd never met Rachel and only knew one other person at the table (aside from my bf). Despite not really knowing anyone, I had a lovely time and only one surface-level conversation. Win! But I left the dinner thinking about how often I'm in similar situations that result in boring conversation. You know the ones – the Uber rides, the work conferences, and yes, the birthday dinners. It usually goes something like this:

"Where are you from?"

"What do you do?"

Or, as was the case last night, "So, how do you know Rachel?" (I could feel myself being boring as the words came out of my mouth.)

There's nothing inherently wrong with any of these questions. But they don't inspire creativity. Everyone's answered these questions before, and so when you ask them, they hit "Play" on the recording in their head. And that's just the problem – it's a historic answer from the past. But what if instead of asking this new person about the past, we ask about the present?

Lately, I've been trying a new conversation starter:  "How's your day been?"

Chances are good that no one has (yet) asked the person in front of you about their day, allowing them to pause and reflect for a second. There are a few reasons I'm starting to believe in using this question more as my opener with new people... 

It focuses on the present. The beauty of asking about today is that you don't need to know the person's life story to ask it. In fact, asking about their day is a powerful gateway to learning someone's story the way they choose to tell it, as opposed to starting in their hometown, with their college or their current job (which they may not even want to talk about).

It's unintimidating. There's a stranger sitting in front of you. No need to launch into the 36 Questions. Since I'm a pretty open person, I'm quick to jump into personal questions with strangers. Sometimes I just need to slow down and remind myself that a lot of people are more private.

It's warm. Asking about someone's day shows empathy. You have no idea if this person had the worst day of their life or just heard great news before sitting down with you. Asking about their day leaves the door open to a light or deep conversation, depending on how they're feeling.

And the best part? Even if someone else asked about this future friend's day before you, it's still a great question! That's because it allows this future friend of yours to answer creatively, tell a story, and if all else fails... talk about Karl.

(Photo via Time)